We often face in the parenting ‘job’ with problems related with the managing of the relationship with the child.
The parent-child relationship is far from being a linear or unidirectional relationship, but a circular relationship. This means that any gesture, attitude, word or behavior of the parent determines a child’s response, which in turn determines the next reaction of the parent.
From the earliest years of life, the initiators of this relationship are the parents. This means that of their behavior will depend the child’s behavior. There isn’t a manual with clear rules that can teach parents how to react in every situation they may encounter to have an ideal relationship with children. There are however, several principles that we should keep in mind when we want to improve our relationship with the child.
Each child is unique. This means that the essential element in the relationship is to know our child. Knowing him means knowing what he likes, what he prefers, what he hates, how he behaves in various situations and so on. Knowing him we will know to keep track of what makes him happy or not, we will know how to approach him in different situations. It is advisable to show him that we take into account his opinions and choices and in this way we respect his personality. We can ask him what he wants to wear the next day, what he wants to eat, what t-shirt he wants us to buy when we went shopping together. In this way we will manage both to know him better and to help him to know himself.
Mutual trust and respect are essential. In any relationship we cannot ask from someone something we do not offer ourselves in that relationship. We cannot claim to the husband or wife to love us if we do not love, we cannot ask our neighbor to respect us if we treat him with irony and so on. Therefore, we cannot ask our children to trust us as long as we do not show him that we trust in him and that we are trustworthy. This means that in any situation we tell him the truth, keep our promises, we are honest and sincere with him. When we are honest, sincere, keep our promises, we prove the child that we trust in him and respect him. We show by the way we treat him that he is important to us. In this way, he learns from us how to behave through the examples that we give him, and an example itself is worth a thousand words.
The time and his activities are important. Any opportunity to do something together is valuable for him and helps optimizing the relationship. For example if you want to buy a dishwasher, read with him on the internet some dishwasher reviews. Or than leave him in his room to play while we are busy preparing lunch, we can give him to shape dough figurines or cut towels in geometrical shapes. In this way he gains confidence seeing that he is useful and we have another opportunity to spend time together.
The methods by which we can optimize our relationship with the child are endless, let them to have they own hair color ideas. It is better to rely on our own intuition and creativity to find solutions to any problem that arises and be convinced that there are no insurmountable difficulties. Everything is to trust us and our children and to really want to have a beautiful relationship. And remember, there are no bad children, only discouraged children.